New year, growing me

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I tend to be in the “a new year is just a date on the calendar and doesn’t represent an actual break with the previous 365 days” camp. I am more a trajectory kind of girl. It won’t surprise you, then, that I don’t write resolutions or set major new goals this time of year.

This is admittedly a good time to reflect, and there is nothing wrong with taking stock and marking the places we want to see change. It never hurts to focus on positive goals. I wonder, though, how often new year’s goals look like measuring ourselves against unrealistic standards, setting us up for inevitable failure. Are we really so dissatisfied with the current version of ourselves that we feel like we need to be a new person as the calendar rolls over?

Tomorrow is a new year, but here’s reality: I’ll be taking into it the same me, with all my accumulated experiences, triumphs and failures, strengths and flaws. And you know, I’m okay with that. I am thankful for the life I’ve been given and the days that have come before and that lie ahead.

I suppose when we talk about a “new me,” we’re really talking about growth. Goodness knows, I make a lot of mistakes, and there have been plenty of moments, big and small, that were painful and even regrettable. My walk with God is a process of constant grace and renewal. He gives me access to His power for transformation. I don’t have to rely on myself to make the future what I want it to be. This is where I find my peace.

We like to think, especially this time of year, that our lives are within our own control. If we set the right goals and make the right choices, if we do better, our lives will look like we want them to. My experiences have taught me that I have much less control over my life than I might wish. Stuff happens. We inevitably screw up, and even when we do the right things, life can still go wrong. If you’ve spent time with people who are truly struggling, if you know of the desperate places in the world, if you yourself have experienced heartbreak and loss, you know that sometimes, there are no good answers. We do not always have the power to fix things. My hope rests in a God who promises healing and hope, not because everything will always work out perfectly, but because He gives us what we need for today and will eventually make things right in a world where suffering is no longer part of the equation.

For today, I am deeply grateful that God promises that my life matters, and that He takes from my shoulders the weight of making that happen on my own. This is how I walk into the new year. My 40th birthday (what?!!) is just a few weeks away. There are changes ahead for our family. The biggest is that mama (that’s me) will be starting a full-time job after eight years away from the professional world. I’m going to be doing some pretty awesome stuff for an amazing organization, and I am stoked. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t also nervous about the huge adjustment this will be for all of us. But growth happens in change, and I walk forward with confidence because I trust the One who guides my steps.

Happy new year, friends. May you know how much you are loved, how much you matter, and that all your days are safe with Him.

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