Through this lens

It’s been a rough day. We’ve had a few of those lately, as you may have gleaned from recent posts. My nine-month-old has slept just over an hour since 6 a.m. It is now 5:30 p.m. There is more to the woe-is-me story line, but here’s the thing: I snapped some photos this morning of Lina, and in sorting through them, I have decided this is the lens I will use to view today.

Today she is wearing an outfit I bought the day after we found out we were having a girl. There was a time when those cute little outfits hanging in her closet brought me pain: the pain of hopeful expectations that seemed to have been dashed. But today, I am so grateful to look at these photos and see only my sweet baby girl in the strawberry top and ruffled bloomers that charmed me a year ago. I see the perfectly-matching headband bought for her by a wonderful friend. I see a big brother in love with his little sister.

Yes, their shenanigans are multiplying my gray hairs by the hour. These photos were taken around a dog and two other children wandering in and out of the frame, and the eyes that already looked tired in the pictures are much more tired now. But there is an awful lot of love and joy here, underlying and running right through all the chaos and exhaustion. Through today’s camera lens, I see how far we’ve come, and I’m ready to soldier on.

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